


The secrets you keep

by KaylenaKey



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Conversation between Carlos and Owen, Conversation between Carlos and T.K., Drug Dealing, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, References to Drugs, Resolved Argument Prompt Exchange, mention of depression, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:13:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28454409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylenaKey/pseuds/KaylenaKey
Summary: T.K. starts acting weird and Carlos is determined to find out what's going on. When Michelle, Marjan and Owen reveal the shocking truth, he confronts T.K. about it.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 3
Kudos: 85





	The secrets you keep

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, my name is Kaylena and I'm new to this fandom. English is not my first language and my english sucks, so I'm sorry for any mistakes! This is also my first fanfiction and I have no idea if it's good or not, so I'm thankful for any feedback I get. Enjoy :)

Carlos stood in a dark alley. He was roaming around, interviewing witnesses, while an alleged drug dealer was sat in the back of his patrol car. "Do we know who called us?", his collegue asked after a while. "No. It was no one of them and nobody knows who it was." Carlos sighed. They were getting a lot of anonymous calls leading them to drug dealers all around the city. In the past few weeks they caught around 6 of them, but never found out who made the calls. It left Carlos with a lot of work. He kind of missed going on other crime scenes. Catching drug dealers slowly became boring to him.

The last time he had been on the same scene as the 126 was almost three months ago. He had not seen his boyfriend's team in a long time, actually. T.K. always seemed very exhausted when he came home from a shift, so they didn't even meet up with the others on bars anymore. Therefore, the last time Carlos had seen or spoken to any other person of the 126 was - well - three months ago. Michelle was the only one he still kept in contact with. But since she tried to keep up with her newly-found sister Iris whenever she got the chance to, he wanted to give her some space and only texted her here and there.

After his shift, Carlos was tired. All he wanted to do was go home and cuddle with his boyfriend for the rest of the night. But T.K. was not done with his shift yet, so he had to wait. Carlos decided to clean up a bit then. Since T.K. moved in with him, their closet was overflowing the tiniest bit and Carlos was determined to sort it, getting tired of grabbing the wrong shirt in the mornings, having to notice a minute later that he wore T.K.'s stuff which usually was too small and tight on him. So he finally decided to part it in sides, his clothes on the left and T.K.'s on the right side of the closet. For now, that would have to do. Some day, they would go furniture shopping. When they weren't hooked up on work so much.

Carlos was stopped mid-way of his tidying when he found an opened letter under a stack of T.K.'s hoodies. He furrowed his eyebrows before looking farther into it, reading on the envelope the name of T.K.'s psychologist. Carlos grabbed it and got up to sit down on the bed. He debated whether he should read it and infringe the privacy of letters, or if he should put it back and act like he didn't even see it in the first place. Of course, his curiosity got the best of him and he pulled the letter out of the envelope. Screw him being a man of the law, he bet every single one of his colleagues would have done the same. He folded the paper open and started reading over the printed lines:

"Dear Mr. Strand, I feel very sorry to hear that you want to stop therapy. While I accept your decision, I ask you to please seek help if you don't feel good. I know how scared you are to let the people around you know that you are hurting, but they are the ones that can help you the most." The rest of the letter was about legal things, nothing Carlos cared for in the moment. He looked up from the paper, staring back at the closet while thinking. Why would T.K. stop seeing his therapist? The man knew how much it helped him. Carlos looked back on the paper to see the date. It was written almost two months ago. Something about that time span confused Carlos, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. His train of thought got interrupted by the noise of the front door opening.

"Honey, I'm home!", T.K. called through the apartment. Carlos started panicking slightly, not knowing if he was supposed to confront T.K. with those new informations. He decided on it, playing a little dumb though. "Hey baby. I, uh, I was just cleaning up the closet and found this. I'm sorry for reading it, I know I have no right to, but I got curious. What is this about?", Carlos said, trying to act casual as he made his way into the kitchen with the letter in his hand. T.K. looked at it for a moment, the smile he had on his face earlier replaced with a frown. "Oh, it's uh.. it's nothing. I just decided I want to go to.. another therapist. I wasn't quite feeling it, y'know?" Carlos knew he was lying, but decided to play along. "Found another one yet?" "I'm looking. Didn't have much time lately, work is stressful right now. But I will find one. And for now I'm good. I don't feel like talking to one at the moment anyway." "Yeah well, but they do help you, you know that." "Yeah I know. I'll find another one, I promise." Carlos smiled at him, then he finally got closer to his boyfriend and pulled him into a kiss. "Good." That still didn't explain why T.K. felt the need to hide it, but for now Carlos let it slide.

The next day Carlos had an early shift while T.K. had a late one, which means they would barely see each other. So in his lunch break Carlos texted T.K. to check up on him. He was about to close the messenger app when he received a text from Michelle: 'How is T.K. by the way?' They were just texting about random stuff this morning, which made him wonder why she would ask about him. He grew worried immediately, afraid that something happened to him and he didn't get informed. 'What do you mean?'

Luckily for his heavy-beating heart, Michelle was still online and texting back within a minute. 'Well I haven't seen him in a while. Is he okay?' Carlos just got more confused. 'Uh yeah he's fine. What are you talking about, you just saw him yesterday, didn't you?' 'No, I didn't. Where would I have seen him? Anyway, break's over, ttyl' Carlos stared at his phone for another minute, trying to figure out if he lost his mind or Michelle had.

He shot a glance at his watch and noticed that his lunch break was over as well. He put his phone away and tried to concentrate on his work again. After his shift was over, Carlos decided to visit T.K. at work to ask about Michelle's messages. If there wasn't a call, he probably wouldn't be busy anyway. So Carlos picked up some boba for his boyfriend and made his way to the firestation.

He searched the whole house for his boyfriend, gaining some glances from the team which irritated him, until he finally asked Marjan where the man in question was hiding. "Wait, you're seriously telling me he didn't tell you?", Marjan chuckled. "Tell me what? Why do I have the feeling everyone knows something I don't!?", Carlos asked frustrated. Marjan stepped closer to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "How about you go to the Captain and he will tell you everything you need to know. I can't believe T.K. was able to keep that from you for so long." She was smiling develishly, but Carlos could see a hint of worry in her expression.

Without waisting another second, he stormed up to the Captain's office, wanting to desperately understand what's going on. Marjan was taking the boba from him and drinking it, but he couldn't care less. Not caring to knock on the glass door, he bolted into the office angrily. "Where is he?"

Owen, who was finishing some paperwork, looked up at him confused. "Where's who?" "T.K.! What is going on here? What am I missing?" "Son, you need to calm down. How about you take a seat, here", Owen stood up, walking around his desk and leading Carlos to a chair, pushing him down onto it. "I don't wanna sit down. I wanna make sense of all of this! First Michelle texts me asking how he's been, then Marjan tells me something about T.K. keeping secrets from me. I- what is going on here? Where is he?" Owen leaned on his desk, sighing heavily. "Carlos, T.K. has been relieved of duty for the past two months." Carlos looked up at him dumbfounded. What the hell? "He didn't tell you that? He got too unconcentrated. I wouldn't have been able to take him on calls any longer. Those are life-and-death situations out there, we don't have space for mistakes." "Wait, no no no! He-he's been to work. He left everyday for his shifts. He-" Carlos was at a loss of words. Where the hell was his boyfriend? "No. He hasn't." Carlos rubbed on his face with his hands in frustration, trying to put all this information together.

"If he didn't leave for work, then where did he go every day? Where is he now?", he asked, scanning Owen's face for answers. The older man looked just as worried as he probably did. "I don't know. But if you call him now and ask him, he might end up doing something much more stupid. Or freak out. You should wait for him until he comes home and confront him then." Carlos nodded. That sounded smart.

"Do you think he.." Carlos couldn't end that sentence. It was as if his brain refused to put the last words together because it seemed too unrealistic. Why would he even ask that? He knew his boyfriend. Trusted him. If he needed help, he'd tell him. Carlos was sure about that. Or was he?

Owen, of course, understood what he meant. He shrugged: "Did he appeal to be high to you?" Carlos thought about it for a minute. He tried to match T.K.'s current behaviour with the ones of the drugged people he had to work with before. T.K. did seem a bit drowsy lately, which Carlos thought was from work, but he knew better now. But T.K. didn't have any other symptoms. He wasn't sweating, or itchy, or breathing heavily. He seemed fine. "I don't know. I never experienced him when he was high. And I'm sure he could hide it from me if he really started using again. I can't say for sure." "Let's just hope for the best..." "-Did you know he stopped seeing his therapist?", it slipped out of Carlos before he even realized it. Owen tensed up. "What? No, why would he?" "He told me he wouldn't feel comfortable with her and that he'd search for another one. But I knew he was lying. He hid that letter in the closet. And-and it was written two months ago and now you are telling me he hasn't been to work for the past two months and I don't know what to do with this information!"

"He's in some trouble. I bet he is", Owen said absentmindedly, staring into thin air.

They both sat in silence, too caught up in their own thoughts, trying to figure out what's going on with T.K. while thinking about how to help the young man.

At night, Carlos sat on his couch, his one hand around a bottle of beer while the other is buried in his hair. T.K. should be home soon from his "shift" and Carlos still didn't know how to approach the situation once his lover was here. He didn't have much time to think about it when he heard the key turning in the keyhole and soon the front door opening with T.K. walking through. "Hey!", the young man greeted happily. "Hey, how was work?", Carlos asked, deciding to play T.K.'s game for another minute. "Ah well, not eventful. I'm more interested in your day", T.K. exclaimed, making his way over to the couch, giving his boyfriend a sweet kiss before flopping down next to him. Carlos leaned down on the sofa before answering.

"Oh, I had a _very_ interesting case. You know, I was visiting this firestation and there was this father of a fireman who told me that his son hasn't been to work for two months already", he said in a casual voice, looking at the blank tv in front of him. In the corner of his eye he could see the smile on T.K.'s face fading, his gaze going down into his lap. Carlos took another sip of his beer before he continued: "I was pretty surprised you managed to keep that from me for so long, but tell me, how long do you think you would've been able to continue that game, huh?"

T.K. didn't look up, he just shrugged with his shoulders. Carlos didn't give him any time to answer anyway. "I knew from the beginning, that something was clearly not right. At the latest when I found that letter from your therapist. But you know, I thought, give him his time. If he doesn't come to you with his problems, it's because he wants to figure it out on his own. And I did that, I gave you time! _Two months_ , T.K., I can't believe this! And the fool I am didn't even notice. Where were you?" Carlos raised his voice, something he usually never does around T.K. which is why it startled the younger man slightly. "I didn't take any drugs, if that's what you mean", he mumbled, starting to fidget with his fingers nervously. Carlos could see how they were shaking and he wanted nothing more than to hug T.K. and tell him it'll be fine, but he couldn't. He was too furious at the moment and he knew nothing would be anywhere near fine in the near future.

"Oh yeah, and how can I be sure of that? How do I know that this isn't another one of your lies?" "You can't." "Yeah, exactly. I can't! You lied. Straight into my face. For two months. Day for day! How am I supposed to trust you now that you're telling the truth?"

"I'm sorry." That was all T.K. could say. He didn't know how to explain himself to Carlos, and he knew if he tried, he would just end up bawling his eyes out, and that didn't bring him anywhere right now. He flinched when Carlos started laughing dryly. "That doesn't get me further now. I want to know where you've been!" T.K. should have known that they would have this conversation eventually. He should have been prepared on what to say. But.. he wasn't. "Just... walking around the city." "Walking around the city? For at least 8 hours. Every day? You kidding me?" "No. I just... went here and there. Went into a few bars. Just drinking water, observing the few other people who came there occasionally. I wasn't drinking. Or taking anything. I know I can't prove it, but you need to believe me Carlos!" This was the first time since they started this conversation, that T.K. looked up from his lap and directly into Carlos' eyes. His green irises were pleading, praying for Carlos to believe him.

"Then why the thing with your psychologist?" "Because she didn't understand me. I wasn't lying about that! I poured my heart out to her, I was trying! I told her everything!

About how I can't stop thinking about how easy it'd be to just take drugs again.

About how I wanna kill myself every second of every day, but can't do it because I can't let the people I love down.

About how I wanna leave this town and all those people so that I don't have to see your disappointed faces anymore.

About how I'm with the _actual_ love of my life but everything still feels so numb and I can't stop the thought that you deserve so much better than me." T.K. whispered that last sentence, looking back down on his hands again. He didn't know if he even wanted Carlos to know that. Carlos' heart might just actually broke at that.

T.K. was quick to continue: "But it was as if she wasn't even listening. I didn't feel better after the sessions, I felt worse. She got it all wrong. A totally wrong impression of me. And I couldn't do this any longer. And I will find another therapist, as I promised, but right now I just- ugh, I don't know!" T.K. got frustrated, now exactly knowing the real reason. He buried his face in his hands, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay. Carlos hesitated for a minute, then he kneeled down in front of T.K. to get a better look at his face.

"Why? Why wouldn't you tell me all that earlier? How am I supposed to help you if I don't know what's going on? If you act as if everything was fine whenever I'm around you? How am I supposed to see that you are breaking when you just show me this facade every day?" "You have enough to worry about with your job. I don't need you to worry about me too." "T.K. ... I will _always_ worry about you. _That_ is my job! Just as it's my job to protect you and take care of you. That's what I signed up for when I got into this relationship, I knew what I would get myself into! And I wanna do exactly that. I wanna help you. But you need to let me in, in order to do that!"

T.K. couldn't hold his tears any longer. Suddenly all those emotions crushed on him and he found himself sobbing violently. "I want to. I want to let you in. But I'm scared! I'm scared that you realize how much work I am and decide that it's not worth it. That I'm left with nothing once again. I can't lose you Carlos! I can't! You are too important to me." Carlos put his fingers under T.K. chin, lifting it up lightly so that the younger man would look at him. Carlos looked deep into his teary eyes to make his point clear: "T.K., you are _not_ gonna lose me. And you are worth _everything_! I would _die_ for you T.K.! And I just want you to be happy. I promise, I will always be here, not matter how much work you might be. But please, do never lie to me again. You have no idea how worried I was!" T.K. nods, almost falling into Carlos' arms, hugging him tight while silent tears ran down his face. The cop holds him close, stands up and sits down on the couch again, pulling T.K. into his lap in the process.

T.K. rested his head on Carlos' shoulder, deciding to reveal his last secret: "I was looking for drug dealers." Carlos started tensing up, so he continued quickly, stopping Carlos' thoughts mid-way. "I didn't wanna have any! I just- I reported all of them to the police. I thought, if there are no drug dealers in the area left, I couldn't be tempted anymore to go out and get drugs when it would become bad."

Carlos was confused, a lot of things started to make sense. "Wait, you were the misterious caller who reported all those drug dealers?" T.K. laughed wetly. "Yeah. In the beginning it felt so weird, as if I was betraying myself, but in the end it just- it felt right, you know?" "Boy, you were better than all cops combined. I mean, we caught like, 8 dealers because of you, do you realize that? God, the amount of work I had to do because of you...", Carlos joked, feeling the mood lightening.

"Yeah, I sometimes spent weeks to observe them. I didn't have anything better to do. I needed a task. The knowledge to do the right thing. My job was everything to me, and all of a sudden I wasn't allowed to do it anymore. I felt useless!" "Please promise me to not do that anymore. You were a huge help for the police, I'll leave you to it. But please don't put yourself in unnecessary danger again! I want you to simply concentrate on getting better now. So that you don't ever feel tempted to use again. Please."

T.K. nodded slowly. Carlos noticed how tired the man in his arms was. He gave him a long kiss on the forehead before saying: "Okay, we'll continue this tomorrow, alright? You should go to bed." T.K., who was barely able to keep his eyes open at this point, nodded again and got up. Carlos brought him to bed and waited for him to fall asleep before he went into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of wine. He thought back at the conversation he just had with T.K. and remembered on the conversation he has had with Owen just a few hours prior. He decided to text Owen, telling him that T.K. was okay and that he's sure that he didn't take any drugs. He spent another two hours in that kitchen, deep in thoughts, before he became too tired himself and decided on going to bed.

And as he laid down next to his boyfriend and saw his peacefully sleeping form, hearing his soft, even breathing, he knew that one day, everything would be alright. It would still be a long way to go, but they would figure it out. Because they were together. And that was all that mattered.


End file.
